The fiftieth incarnation of the Super Bowl was really boring, with both the game itself and the commercials almost somnambulant; thank God Beyoncé was there. While I expected nothing less from the football, the commercials just really phoned it in this year, lacing mediocrity with celebrity cameos and talking animals to numbing effect.

The worst of the bunch: Marmot, a company that could’ve, and should’ve, made the most of their timeslot because I’ve never even heard it. Their chronicle of some dude and a marmot bonding over a camping trip begins innocently, and adorably, enough, but soon implodes into a crass “no homo” joke and implied bestiality.

Also terrible: Steven Tyler and his traumatizing Skittles portrait, “puppymonkeybaby,” anything featuring the progeny of overexcited sports fans who participated in intercourse following any given Super Bowl, anything advertising medication for irritable bowel syndrome or toe fungus, and Bathroom Humor with (Drunk Politicians?) Seth and Amy!

The best of the bunch: “Wiener Stampede,” featuring a myriad of hot dog-clad Dachshunds frolicking through scenic grassy fields into the arms of condiment-clad people of all ages. Also great: Audi’s use of David Bowie’s “Starman,” with a cameo from some shiny car (Presumably an Audi?) that’s probably pretty expensive.

T-Mobile’s muddling of “Hotline Bling,” featuring Drake himself, was great, too, and so was Toyota’s, which depicted a band of bank robbers absconding in a Prius, of all vehicles. The majority of the commercials would’ve been far more enjoyable in a normal setting—Dorito’s macabre ultrasound, Snicker’s parody of Marilyn Monroe’s famed grate scene, Hyundai rendering Kevin Hart ubiquitous—as, due to the fact that they were really just funnier interpretations of their usual models, they fell kind of flat in this arena.